Waaaay back before I knew I was a lesbian, my confusion Journal. Boy are the questions still confusing…here’s one about my current girlfriend and finance. I bet you’ll be able to tell me how wrong I was back then looking at the current state I’m in :)
Oh my god, did I honestly just start it off like that? Well, whatever. I’m confused about something. My feelings to be exact…I have never in my life been so honest when saying the words “I love you” before…In a romantic sense I mean. I am in love with Mich. IN. FUCKING. LOVE. I don’t know if it’s because she was the only close friend I had ever had in what feels like years…or maybe I have feelings for her. I mean, I’ve never had a crush before let alone on a girl. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t care about sexual orientation when it comes to love. If I love them. I LOVE THEM!
I know I’ve probably ruined my chance with her billions of years ago…But I’d like her to know. But I’m not sure how she’ll think of me or maybe she won’t ever want to talk to me again. I don’t want to come between her and [past boyfriend’s name here] they love each other so much. Even I can see that and yet I’m so jealous. I can be satisfied with her friendship but I can’t handle not telling her.
This secret is eating me alive. Fuck, I screwed up. Blew my chances! I’m so stupid! WHY DID I WAIT SO LONG?! HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO STUPID?! [the rest of the page is covered in scribbles and the words “yes” and “no” written everywhere]”
I don’t know why I thought to share this…but all I can say is as cheesey as this sounds; if you love someone tell them. Don’t worry. Things will be fine.